


Paper Hearts & Scattered Minds

by darkpanda22



Category: Rooster Teeth/Achievement Hunter/Funhaus RPF
Genre: 1950s, 1950s Slang, Abuse, Alternate Universe - 1950s, Alternate Universe - No Rooster Teeth/Achievement Hunter, Crossdressing, Dissociative Identity Disorder, F/M, Forced Crossdressing, Gay male characters, Homophobia, I might change the title, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, Kinda, M/M, Past Abuse, Past Child Abuse, Period-Typical Homophobia, The 50's AU, idk what else to tag
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-14
Updated: 2016-12-23
Packaged: 2018-08-30 19:29:24
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 9
Words: 15,315
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8546197
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/darkpanda22/pseuds/darkpanda22
Summary: The 50’s was a time so full of struggle and fights for justice, yet, for the teenagers of the time it was a time of color, dances, parties, music, independence and most of all, fun. For Ray it was no different, except, he had a secret that would destroy everything he’s created in the first 17 years of his life.OrThe 50’s AU where Ray is living on eggshells. One wrong move and everything could crumble down around him. His parents have created quiet the mess of Ray’s life but he still keeps their secret because he’s afraid of what his parents would do once they found out he told and how his friends would react to the truth.





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> Hello everyone! I've had this sitting unfinished on my computer for almost a year now. (Since February I think.) But yeah, this is a new long story! I really like the fashion of the 50's and I've always wanted to write or draw something to do with it so this was born. It's a little more complicated than the average 50's AU but I hope you all will enjoy! I'll try to post a chapter once a week, maybe earlier if I get a break from college. 
> 
>  
> 
> Also, I just want to thank everybody that's ever commented, gave me kudos or even just read my stories on here! I try to answer comments but I'm a socially awkward potato and I dunno how to reply sometimes. ;-;

 

 

~-~

 

 

When Ray was born, his parents were devastated that he was a boy. They had wanted a girl so bad that by the time Ray was out of the hospital, they’d agreed to make him into their perfect little girl. They changed his name to Raichel and dressed him up in pretty little dresses with big bows in his long black hair and shiny shoes with big buckles and flowers. His room was pink from head to toe, from his walls to his carpet, everything was drowned in that dreadful color.

 

 

Every day it was a constant, “No roughhousing!”, “Stay clean!”, “Sit like a lady!” or “You can’t play with trucks! You have dolls right here!” Ray remembered being sick of it before he even reached the age of 10. How was he supposed to act like a lady when he was a man? Who in their right minds would even think about doing this to their own child? Why did he have to suffer? Sure he had a roof over his head and food to eat but he’d always longed to hear his parents call him Ray, to cut the long locks that now reached his mid back at the age of 17, and to call him their son.

 

 

But that was just wishful thinking, Ray found out soon enough. His parents truly thought he was a girl now and that everything was okay. It wasn’t. Nothing was okay and Ray would forever be affected by this because somewhere along the way, Ray started liking it. He would have to catch himself because he was having too much fun experimenting with his hair, makeup, shoes and dresses. He’d always dreaded wearing dresses but again, somewhere along the line, he started to like the feeling he’d get when wearing them. He started to like the looks he’d get from boys and he started to like sharing tips about hair and makeup with the girls. He started to like being a girl and that scared him more than anything in the world. He hated every time he got caught because his parents would get so happy, glad that Ray was starting to see their side of things but Ray would get so depressed and wouldn’t leave his room. Something akin to shame would rise in his stomach and he’d cry until he didn’t want to move anymore.

 

 

It was never about how Ray felt. His parents never even thought about Ray, but when it came to Raichel his parents would bend over backwards for _her_. The amount of stress seemed to triple with each day that passed and it was weighing Ray down. How was he supposed to live like this for the rest of his life? How was he ever supposed to get anyone to love him when his life was built on lies? He didn’t want to like this. He didn’t want to be a part of this. He knew if he wanted help he’d have to trust someone with this secret but he didn’t know if they’d leave him like every person he’s ever told that he’s a boy has. He told teachers, counselors, possible boyfriends, even some friends he thought he could trust. They had all left him though, not wanting anything to do with him after they found out. He and his family had ended up moving to the hot state of Texas some time later to escape the hate he and his parents had gotten. Ray thought that moving would mean that it would be different. That maybe the mobs of people in their front yard had knocked some sense into his parent’s heads but it seemed that they were truly too far into believing Ray was a girl, for mobs of angry people yelling and throwing rocks through the windows to stop them from making Ray their perfect little daughter. It seemed they’d much rather beat him until he shut his mouth rather than deal with the consequences.

 

 

There is an upside to this situation, though. Ray had been friends with a nice red haired girl named Lindsay since kindergarten but sometime after Ray’s 12th birthday Lindsay moved to Texas. Along the 12 plus years they were together, Lindsay had introduced him to a lot of her close friends and just like that, Ray had a group of friends that he loved dearly. But, Before Lindsay left, all their other friends started to move away one by one until it was only Ray and Lindsay left. He’d moved to Texas about two years ago, and when he started going to Achievement High he was just about tackled in the halls by Lindsay, Michael and Gavin. They freaked out for a bit before they led Ray over to see Geoff, Jack and Ryan. Ray also met Geoff’s girlfriend of three years, Griffon. Everyone was excited to have Ray back and Ray was just as excited to feel like he belonged. He’d missed having his friends call him Ray instead of Raichel. They thought it was just a nickname that they couldn’t call him in front of his parents but Ray knew the truth. For once, Ray was a little happier away from home but once he got home the happiness would drain out of him faster than water out of a falling cup.

 

 

But, as you know, even that small amount of happiness couldn’t have lasted right?

 

 

It was Ray’s third year at Achievement High when Geoff, Griffon, Jack and Ryan were graduating. Since they were graduating, that meant that Ray, Lindsay, Michael and Gavin would be seniors next year. So, the future seniors went to congratulate their friends at the ceremony. Everything had been fine until Joel Heyman walked across that stage and Ray felt his heart jump to his throat. The man was so handsome it almost physically hurt Ray to look at him and to top it off, his smile was so sweet and nice with a personality just as weird as his friends, or at least that's what Ray got from the many stories he'd hear from Jack. During the ceremony, Ray would find himself staring at Joel or trying to find him over the sea of people. Each and every time, Ray would stop himself. He couldn’t have a crush on a guy. He would never date anyone without telling them to truth, and he didn’t even know Joel that well. He knew he was friends with Jack and that the two played on the school’s football team together but that was it. It wasn’t really fair to Joel, but that information still didn’t stop his heart from beating out of his chest every time he saw him. Ray didn’t like meeting new people, a fact that his friends knew very well, so Ray didn’t bother to know the people outside of his little friend group. After the ceremony, Ray was dropped off in front of his house by Lindsay with Michael and Gavin in the backseat. He waved them off with a smile, no thoughts of telling anyone about this little crush he had on Joel.

 

 

Ray’s behavior was unknowingly becoming kind of bipolar, as one minute he’d be staring off into space with a big dreamy smile on his face but the next minute he looks like he’s about to cry. It didn’t take long after that for his parents to annoy the truth out of him and he immediately regretted it the moment it left his mouth. But surprise, his parents were so supportive that it was starting to get weird. After Ray thought about it for a moment, he understood exactly why his parents were being so encouraging. They weren't being supportive of their **son** , no, they were supporting their **daughter**. If he dated a girl then he’d probably end up like Michael and Gavin, even though Ray was a man wanting to date a woman. Everyone thought he was a woman so same sex relationships might as well be illegal with how badly you were treated if you were a part of one. It made Ray so furious and sad at the same time. He resolved to squash his crush on Joel and that meant staying home for the rest of the summer. He was not going to be their perfect little girl anymore. He wasn’t going to talk to Joel to make his parents happy, because they weren’t supporting their son being gay. They were supporting their ‘daughter’ who was straight.

 

 

So, to spite his parents, Ray stayed home for the first half of the summer. He’d made excuses to not go out with his friends and finally meet the people he’d been putting off meeting. Now, his last year of high school would be starting in about two months and all Ray wanted to do was lay in bed and never move. Ray’s plan had been working so well until Lindsay and his mom made plans to get him out of the house. They were all tired of the excuses. They didn’t know why Ray didn’t want to come out but they missed their friend spending time with them. Our story starts, early one Tuesday afternoon when Lindsay pulled up to Ray’s house with Michael and Gavin in the backseat.

 

 

~-~


	2. 1: Silent Scream

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And so our story finally begins~! Ray finally gets out of the house and sure enough stuff happens. I kept the pronouns for Ray as he/him/his so I wouldn't confuse myself but just know that everybody thinks he's a girl. Slang definitions will be at the bottom for those who need them! If I use any of the slang wrong feel free to let me know.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is probably the longest chapter you'll get in this story, I don't know. Had to stay up late to study for an exam early this morning so I only had about 4 or 5 hours of sleep last night. But, I finally had a break and I'm gonna use it to post another chapter and watch youtube videos. That's enough about me tho, hope you guys enjoy!

 

 

~-~

 

 

“Guyyys, why are you making me gooo?” Ray whined as Lindsay shoved him lightly into her cute yellow Volkswagen beetle.

 

 

“Cool it, Ray! You’ve been low lately so we’re about to have an out of site time at the diner, dig?” Michael piped up from the back as Ray was pushed into the car.

 

 

“Yeah, Ray! You’re absolute dullsville right now! You need some kicks.” Gavin agreed as Ray hurriedly fixed the red and black polka dotted dress he was wearing as he turned back to pout at them.

 

 

“I got it…” He mumbled just as Lindsay slid in and fixed the lovely black dress she was wearing. She smiled reassuringly at him and started up the car, driving over to the diner.

 

 

“Oh! Ray, we invited Geoff, Jack and Ryan and they said they bought some of their other friends with them.” Lindsay glanced over at Ray, knowing how Ray was with new people. Ray frowned, his gut telling him that Joel would be there and this would only end badly but he knew his friends would have nothing of it.

 

 

“Alright.”

 

 

The ride was mostly quiet other than Michael and Gavin giggling and joking with each other in the back seat. Finally, they pulled into the diner’s parking lot and hopped out of the car. Lindsay linked their arms together with another reassuring smile before leading them into the diner. They immediately spotted Geoff with his arms around Griffon and Lindsay led them over to the table with Michael and Gavin following behind. Ray smiled wide as he spotted Geoff, Griffon, Jack and Ryan because he’d missed them all in the same. But then Ray noticed the other occupants at the table and huddled a little closer to Lindsay. There were five other guys at the table and one of which was none other than Joel Heyman. Ray’s heart seemed to stop as they locked eyes and slowly a smile worked its way onto Joel’s face as Ray got more and more flustered with Joel’s eyes on him. Ray immediately looked away when Joel’s smile turned into a smirk, his heart pounding in his ears. He just wanted to ran away but everything in him was frozen and Lindsay’s arm was still linked with his. Ray looked back to Geoff just as the older man noticed them walking up.

 

 

“Ray, what’s buzzin’ cuzzin’?!” Geoff all but screamed, making Ray laugh and relax a bit even though he still felt Joel’s eyes piercing through him.

 

 

He wouldn’t let this stupid crush ruin his night with his friends. He could do this. So he smiled as he answered. “Oh, It’s been a real drag but I’m here now.”

 

 

Geoff smiled and gestured to the fresh faces at the table. “Ah well..This is Joel, Burnie, Gus, Jon and Adam. Hope you don’t mind if they hang for a bit?”

 

 

They all waved when their name was called and Ray made sure to wave back, blushing brightly when he looked back at Joel. They pulled up chairs to the table and Ray ‘just happened’ to be sitting in front of Joel. (Ray knew Michael, Gavin and Lindsay did it on purpose after their shared smirks.) Ray wanted a hole to open up and swallow him as he sat with Joel staring him down while he looked down at his hands. Ray listened to the chatter all around him, not really wanting to talk until a deep voice met his ears.

 

 

“So what’s your tale, nightingale?”

 

 

Ray’s head had snapped up to look at Joel with wide eyes. It took him a second to realize exactly what Joel had asked and once he did he frowned, his eyes dulling quite a bit as he looked down at the table. “I don’t want to talk about me.”

 

 

Ray’s voice sounded small and Joel’s face morphed into one of concern that Ray missed as he continued to stare down at his hands. “Sorry..I won’t bug you about it if you don’t want to talk about it..”

 

 

And that surprised Ray, because normally his dejected behavior was met with jokes to get him to open up or just ignored entirely. He’d never gotten an outright apology for trying to get him to talk about himself. Before he could stop it, a small thankful smile graced Ray’s face as he looked up at Joel. “Thank you, Joel.”

 

 

Joel smiled reassuringly at him and Ray blushed lightly, looking away again.

 

 

‘Come on, Ray. You're conforming! Don’t let that stupidly cute face help you conform to your parents’ wishes!’ He yelled in his head and tried to not think about how just looking at Joel’s smile made him feel. Joel was staring at him again and Ray reminded himself to thank Geoff as he brought him into their conversation at the other end of the table. Soon enough, their conversation was put on hold when the owner behind the counter started banged a pan to get everyone’s attention.

 

 

“TALENT NIGHT BEGINS NOW! STEP UP ON STAGE ANYONE IS WELCOME!”

 

 

Ray bit his lip, having an internal war with himself. He usually went up to sing every time they called for talent night because Lindsay loved his singing as well as his other friends and even the owner of the diner. He’d spent many nights here with his friends over the years he’d been in Texas and he was pretty well known in the diner for singing. This time was different, though. Joel was here and he was still staring at him. He really just wanted to run away but before he could even get his body to move, an elbow found its way into his side.

 

 

“You’re not gonna go up and sing?”

 

 

Lindsay looked a little sad and the rest of them were staring at him expectantly. Ray frowned, chancing a look at Joel, who now looked even more interested in him, before he turned back to Lindsay with a pout. He didn’t want to sing with Joel here but he also didn’t want Lindsay to be sad. So he sighed and made up his mind.

 

 

“Fine. I’ll go sing.”

 

 

Lindsay immediately brightened up and clapped while everyone else at the table started cheering loudly. Ray couldn’t help but laugh at how crazy his friends were as he stood up and made his way to the empty little stage in the front next to the jukebox. The owner grinned widely at him from behind the counter as he stepped onstage and Ray returned it as he went through the different songs, ending up picking one he knew by heart.

 

 

The first notes of Johnnie Ray’s “Just Walking in the Rain” started up and Ray felt the lyrics hit him to his core. He hadn’t thought about it before, but this was what he was doing right now with Joel. He wanted so badly to forget this stupid crush that seemingly wasn’t going away but he was only torturing his own heart through it all. It was stupid, but Ray was sacrificing his happiness to spite his parents. But were his parents really being hurt by him not going out with Joel to spite them? And more importantly, if he did go out with Joel, would Joel understand him? Would he stay, even after he found out the truth? Ray didn’t know the answer to any of those questions and maybe that was the real reason why he was still fighting this crush so adamantly.

 

 

When the song ended, Ray tried to smile as the whole diner was on their feet cheering for him and it only got harder to smile when he saw that Joel was clapping hard too. He curtsied and made his way back to the table, where his friends started to praise him for his performance but he was having a hard time going back to his normal self after that song just brought out all his hidden thoughts.

 

 

Ray didn’t notice the concerned look Joel gave him nor did he see the look of understand grace his features as he seemed to get that the song might’ve meant more to Ray then what everyone thought. Joel sat there staring at Ray for a full minute, the lyrics of the song he’d just sung running through his head before he suddenly stood and made his way to the stage. The scrapping of his chair made Ray look up and every one watched on in confusion as Joel flipping through the song list. They didn’t know if Joel could sing or not but they were about to find out. After a second, the opening guitar of Roy Orbison’s “Oh Pretty Woman” floated through the speakers.

 

 

At first Ray just thought it was coincidence that the song answered the one he’d sung so well until he made the mistake of locking eyes with Joel. Ray could see all the emotions Joel was trying to convey through his eyes and it left him breathless. Ray knew this song by heart as well, so going over the lyrics in his head he realized that this meant that Joel understood that his life was a mess but still liked him and wanted to get to know him. Ray didn’t know what to do or how to feel as he staring into Joel’s eyes. He really liked Joel, a fact that he’d come to terms with in the many days he’d spent in his room. But it seemed that Joel liked him too, if the subtle stares and smiles were anything to go by. Even then, Ray knew that Joel would probably leave like everyone else if he told him that he was born a boy. That was the same reason he never told his friends either because they’d just leave him too and Ray couldn’t take the pain that would bring. He couldn’t lose the only people that truly care for him. He never asked for any of this. To be stuck with deranged parents who truly thought that everything was okay and that Ray was actually their daughter, not their son. Ray didn’t notice he was crying, still staring into Joel’s eyes until Lindsay hooked their fingers together and pulled him into the ladies’ bathroom. He knew everything he was feeling had just been clear as day through his eyes and he hoped that Joel wouldn’t want to talk about it once they got back to the table.

 

 

“Ray, honey, are you okay? What’s wrong?” Lindsay frowned, seeming close to tears herself at just the fact that Ray was crying.

 

 

“I- I- I don’t know..”

 

 

Lindsay frowned, brushing Ray’s hair out the way and holding his face. “There has to be something wrong if you’re crying, honey. Tell me what’s wrong so I can help you.”

 

 

Ray looked down and shook his head, lying smoothly to Lindsay. “I- I’m fine..I just- this was my grandma’s favorite song, you know?”

 

 

Lindsay’s face fell swiftly as tears collected in her eyes and pulled him into a tight hug. She knew Ray’s grandmother had passed away a month before and she knew how much Ray loved her but he didn’t know how big of a part Ray’s grandmother played in his life. “Oh honey..come here. I didn’t know..we didn’t know.”

 

 

Ray missed his grandma dearly every single day that he went without her but he couldn’t tell Lindsay the real reason behind his tears. So, instead, he thought about the times when he’d go over to her house and she’d fall to her knees and hug him, apologize for his parents’ behavior and proceed to tell him to pick what he wanted to wear. No matter what he chose to wear, she’d hug him and tell him she would love him no matter what. He thought about the times when she’d braid up his long hair and let him run around like the boy he was and play with truck instead of dolls, unless he wanted to. He thought about the bedroom painted blue where he’d sleep soundly for the night and he thought about how she’d read him bed time stories about little boys going on adventures with wild things instead of princes coming to save helpless little princesses. Those thoughts mixed with how life had turned out after she’d passed away made tears fall down his face like a waterfall and Lindsay hugged him closer as the sobs shook his whole body.

 

 

“It’s not fair..!” He whimpered as the tears started to slow.

 

 

“I know, honey. I know..” Lindsay hugged him close, rocking him slowly and making him feel tired as all the events of the day seemed to catch up to him. “Do you want to go back home, Ray?” Ray didn’t want to ruin the night for anybody so he shook his head no, and Lindsay smiled reassuringly at him. He knew if he left early Lindsay would worry herself to death and that was something he didn’t want to happen. “Well come on then. Let’s get you cleaned up.”

 

 

It took a few minutes but Lindsay fixed Ray’s makeup and hair, suddenly very thankful she had worn a black dress so Ray’s mascara wouldn’t show on her shoulder. The two walked out of the bathroom hand in hand and Ray took a deep breath, knowing he would have to explain why he was crying once they got back to the table. So Ray took his seat in front of a concerned Joel and next to Lindsay, their hand still intertwined under the table.

 

 

“What happened, Ray?”

 

 

Geoff asked before he could even sit down, and everyone turned to look at him, making him look down. Lindsay gave his hand a reassuring squeeze as he bit back more tears.

 

 

“Oh, uh, sorry I don’t mean to be bad news but uh..Pretty Woman was my grandma’s favorite song and it uh- re-reminded me of her...”

 

 

His voice cracked as he repeated the lie yet again to his other friends. He frowned and looked down at his and Lindsay’s hands, not wanting to see the pity in their faces. He knew that Geoff and Lindsay would probably tell the newcomers what happened to Ray’s grandma. There was a long stretch of silence before Joel broke it with a frown.

 

 

“I didn’t mean to rattle your cage. I’m sorry.”

 

 

Ray shook his head but couldn’t look up to meet his eyes. He’d just opened his soul to Joel as he sung to him earlier and he knew if Joel saw his eyes now, he’d know it was a matter much deeper than Ray’s grandma.

 

 

“No, no. It’s fine. You didn’t know. I’ll be okay.”

 

 

The night continued on with Ray slowly getting back into conversation with everyone, trying to forget the looks he got from Joel as the night wore on. It ended when the moon was high in the sky and the doors to the diner were locked. Joel offered to take Ray back home and he was going to decline when he realized Lindsay’s yellow beetle was nowhere to be found. So with a sigh he nodded and they walked in silence to Joel’s sleek black Cadillac Convertible, their hands dangerously close to grabbing each other’s but refraining from doing so. Joel held the door open for Ray to get in before he walked around to his side and Ray just wanted to cry again. He just wanted Joel to do something wrong for once, so he wouldn’t like him anymore but it seemed that Joel was just too perfect for him. He was so nice and gentle with Ray and he didn’t push him into uncomfortable situations. He was a true gentlemen and Ray couldn’t handle any of it. He couldn’t be this close to Joel and not want to be in his arms. He couldn’t be so close, yet so far away. It was so frustrating and painfully obvious that Ray wasn’t okay. So much so that as Ray stared out the window, his thoughts elsewhere, Joel drove them to a drive-in that was opened until 1 in the morning. Ray wanted to complain that Joel didn’t need to pay for anything but he found he couldn’t when a vanilla milkshake was handed to him.

 

 

‘How did he even know that I liked vanilla? Probably Lindsay...’

 

 

Ray thought absentmindedly, as he closed his eyes, enjoying the frozen treat as the wind took his long hair wherever it wanted it to go. Only after that did a real, small smile overtake his features and had he been paying any attention to the boy driving him, he would’ve seen that Joel almost had a wreck staring at Ray in awe. Before he even knew it, they were back at Ray’s home just as it turned midnight. He knew his parents would be upset about him passing curfew until they saw Joel sitting outside. The thought made a bitter, angry feeling rise up in him. He hated this place more than anything right now, and really didn’t want to go in, but he was already passed his curfew and had nowhere else to go. So he turned and offered Joel the best smile he could muster, which happened to be the same small smile he’d had earlier that had Joel staring at him as if he was an angel who fell from heaven.

 

 

“Thank you for everything, Joel.”

 

 

Joel blinked at the sheer beauty of such a small genuine smile on Ray’s face before he returned the smile with one of his own. He grabbed Ray’s hand and pulled it up to kiss the top of it once, making Ray a little weak in the knees. Joel absentmindedly wondered how beautiful Ray would look with a big genuinely happy smile on his face and he silently vowed to make it happen.

 

 

“It was no sweat, dolly. It was only fair I cheer you up when I’m the one that got you down in the first place, dig?”

 

 

Ray’s smile widened just a bit as he blushed heavily at the nickname and Joel could already tell Ray would only get more beautiful the more he saw him.

 

 

“Uh- yeah, I got it. Well, I gotta split. Thanks again, Joel.”

 

 

Joel grinned wider at Ray’s blush and slowly let go of Ray’s hand as he stepped back.

 

 

“No sweat, dolly. Pile up some Z’s.”

 

 

Ray’s blush darkened at the nickname again and nodded with a small smile,

 

 

“You too, Joel.”

 

 

Ray waved at him as he walked up to the door, but his smile was wiped off his face as the door opened before he could knock and he came face to face with his mother. She looked furious before she saw the black Cadillac convertible and Joel, sitting there waiting for him to get into the house. Ray felt sick as he looked down. His mother stepped aside and let him in as he bit his lip and waved at Joel once more before he was speeding off and his mother was shutting the door.

 

 

“Was that Joel?”

 

 

Ray nodded, feeling the need to cry come back worse than before. “Y-Yes, mama.”

 

 

He knew his mother’s smile was huge as she said “That’s so great! Aw well, go on to bed sweetie. Just try to get home a little earlier from your dates, alright?”

 

 

Ray didn’t feel like arguing and just nodded going up to his room and closing the door before falling into his bed and letting his tears flow. He thought about if he were to be himself, would his parents be so supportive of this crush? Ray knew the answer. Michael and Gavin had to move into the little shed-like house behind Lindsay’s house just to get away from their parents. He knew exactly how his parents and all the other parents in the world would react to the news that their son was gay. Ray would be disowned if he ever so much as muttered the word crush when talking about a boy, if he were to be treated like himself. But he wasn’t and that was the problem. He didn’t know who he was anymore. There was hole in his heart that would only be filled when he found himself. But his parents had truly brainwashed themselves into believing that their son was their daughter and that everything was okay.

 

 

Nothing was okay and Ray was falling apart, struggling not to collapse at both the weight of his secret and not knowing who he really was. The pain of knowing that all his lifelong friends and Joel would just leave him once he told them all the truth weighed heavily in his heart that night and sleep came with tears and quiet sobs.

 

 

~-~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Being low/ "been low lately" - Down/Sad  
> Out of site time - Great time  
> Dig/ You dig? - To understand/ you understand?  
> Dullsville - Boring  
> To get kicks/ Need some kicks - Have some fun  
> What's buzzin' cuzzin? - What's up?/ What's going on?  
> Real drag - Something really boring  
> What's your tale, nightingale? - What's your story?/(Basically, Tell me about yourself.)  
> To be the bad news - Debby downer, party pooper  
> Rattle your cage - Make you upset  
> No sweat - No problem  
> Dolly - Term of endearment for girls/cute girl  
> Gotta split - Gotta leave  
> Pile up some Z's - Get some sleep


	3. 2: Broken Barriers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Its another day for Ray, but it seems like things will be different this time. In other words, Lindsay's the bestest best friend ever. 
> 
>  
> 
> (So very sorry this took so long!! I've been really, really busy with the last few papers, tests and review before final's week. I should be studying for a quiz right now but, y'know, procrastination is a thing. But anyway I added some art at the bottom, hopefully it works. This is my first time doing that, so yeah. I drew both pictures of Ray and my lovely best friend drew Lindsay!)
> 
> EDIT: I hope the pictures show up now. Please let me know if that didn't work! Thanks <3

 

 

~-~

 

 

The next morning, Lindsay was the one waking him up.

 

 

“Ray...?” She whispered, knowing his parents would be mad if she called him that in their vicinity, and poked him. “You alright, sweetheart?” Lindsay asked as she took note of his tear stained face and blood red eyes. Ray was quiet for a moment and Lindsay crossed her arms. “Don’t you dare lie to me, Raichel. Did something happen with Joel?”

 

 

Ray couldn’t stop the small smile that came across his face at the mention of Joel, but he coughed and covered his mouth with his hand.

 

 

“N-no. Nothing happened with Joel.”

 

 

“Is it about your grandma, then?”

 

 

Ray frowned and shook his head, not wanting to lie about that anymore. “I’m fine, Lindsay. Really.”

 

 

Lindsay just frowned knowing full well that something was wrong with her friend before she sighed and said, “You know if you need to talk about anything I’m here for you okay, sweetheart?”

 

 

Ray smiled weakly in return. “Y-yeah..thanks Lindsay.”

 

 

She smiled reassuringly at him before she said, “I uh- came over to see if you wanted to come down to the beach with us, if you’re up to it?”

 

 

Ray bit his lip “Is Joel coming?”

 

 

Lindsay smiled, nodding once “Yep.”

 

 

Ray frowned and looked away, “I don’t know..”

 

 

Lindsay raised a brow, “But you like him don’t you?”

 

 

Ray’s frown deepened. He was pretty sure everyone knew he liked Joel after last night. “Yeah..”

 

 

“Then what’s the problem?”

 

 

Ray just sighed, not wanting to talk about it anymore. “Fine. I got a bag to pack.”

 

 

Lindsay looked at him for a moment, ensuring him that the conversation wasn’t over and backed out of the room, allowing Ray to change. Ray took a quick shower, frowning at the thought of wearing the bathing suit his mother had just bought him. But after he got out of the shower, he taking a deep breath to calm his nerves and he pulled it out of the closet, staring at it for a moment. It was a short sleeved one piece,  _Thank god_ , that was black with white stripes with a cut in the back that exposed his mid back and a cute little black bow at the top of the cut in the back. With a sigh, Ray slid into the bathing suit, finding it hugged him rather tightly in all the right places and suddenly the bathing suit wasn’t so bad anymore. Ray frowned as he mentally slapped himself. ‘Here we go again…why do I do this to myself?’ Shaking his head, he pulled on the short white jacket-like coverall with black and white striped pockets and collar before he grabbed his black and red bag and packed all the essentials like sunscreen, towels, etc.

 

 

Then he walked out his room, finding Lindsay talking to his mother. He walked up to them, catching the end of his mother’s sentence before their conversation stopped, “-more time with Joel.”

 

 

“Oh, hey, Raichel! You ready to go?”

 

 

Ray nodded a strained smile on his face knowing exactly what his mother was talking about. “Yeah, let’s go. Later, mama.”

 

 

She smiled and shooed them out of the house and once they were in Lindsay’s car, Ray slumped over and looked out the window. They drove in silence for a few minutes before Lindsay abruptly pulled over on the side of the road and turned off the car. Ray blinked at the sudden stop and looked over to Lindsay who was now fully facing Ray. “Ray. I know something’s wrong and if you want help then you’re gonna have to tell me, okay? I hate to see you like this…”

 

 

Ray frowned back at her and shook his head. He couldn’t do it, he couldn’t just tell her. It would be the end of their friendship and Ray would be all alone. Ray didn’t know what he’d do without Lindsay by his side. He looked away from his best friend at that thought, as he said,

 

 

“I’m fine Lindsay.”

 

 

But then Lindsay shocked him by yelling at him, her face turning slightly red in anger. “BULLSH*T, RAY! I know something happened yesterday that you won’t tell me about but I really just want you to be the same happy Ray I know and love!! You’re my best friend and I can’t just stand by and watch you crumble! Please Ray, I just want to help you…!”

 

 

Ray looked down and the car was quiet for a full minute before he whispered, “I-I can’t…You’ll hate me…You’ll leave like everybody else…I can’t handle that type of pain Lindsay!”

 

 

Ray had looked up with tears brimming in his eyes at the last sentence and the raw emotion in his eyes made Lindsay frown and intertwine their fingers. “Ray, we’ve been friends since the diaper days. I could never hate you nor would I leave you, okay?”

 

 

Ray took a shaky breath before, finally, he caved. “You- you promise you won’t h-hate me?”

 

 

Lindsay nodded, a reassuring smile on her face. “I promise, honey.”

 

 

The car was silent for another minute before Ray caught sight of Lindsay’s face. She was looking at him with a face on the edge of crumbling if Ray didn’t say anything and he sighed again, finally, _finally_ caving.

 

 

“O-okay…well, you know how supportive my parents are about my crush on Joel?”

 

 

Lindsay nodded, silently urging him on with a small squeeze of his hand.

 

 

“Well, I’ve been really u-upset about that and my stupid crush on him because- because they’re supporting their daughter who’s straight instead of their s-son who’s gay.”

 

 

Ray frowned as Lindsay’s face filled with confusion.

 

 

“What do you mean…Aren’t you a girl?”

 

 

Ray winced slightly and looked down, fidgeting with the hem of his coverall as word vomit fell from his mouth uncontrollably.

 

 

“My uh- parents wanted a girl but they- they got me instead…I was raised as a girl instead of being raised as a boy. Ray was my name before they decided I’d be their perfect little girl. That’s why they got mad when they heard you call me Ray before. My grandma- she was my safe haven. She let me wear what I wanted to while she was alive and loved me no matter what I chose to wear or play with as a child. That’s the reason she was and still is important to me. She couldn’t do much to help the situation but she’d always tell my parents how disappointed she was with them. It never changed anything other than a few guilty looks every now and then but now they really want me to date Joel because if I dated a girl then people would start to figure it out.”

 

 

Ray finally had a half a mind to stop spewing word vomit everywhere as tears flowed freely down his face. He expected Lindsay to push him, hit him, kick him out of the car or something but instead, he got another surprise when he felt arms wrap around him. He finally realized that Lindsay had hugged him and he could stop the sob that was ripped from his throat as he realized that Lindsay was there for him yet again.

 

 

“Oh, Ray..Why would I hate you for something you couldn’t control?”

 

 

Ray sniffled as more tears began to well up. “I- I don’t know...It’s just that- now...now I actually l-like to d-dress up like a g-girl and they a-always catch me when I'm e-excited about makeup or- or clothes..am- am I nuts, Lindsay?”

 

 

Lindsay sighed, and hugged him closer. “No, you’re not, Ray. You just got used to doing what your parents forced on to you and that’s totally fine because none of this is your fault, okay?”

 

 

Ray nodded, wiping away his tears as he pulled back from the hug a little. “A-are you gonna treat me different now?”

 

 

Lindsay smiled and started to fix Ray’s hair.  “Of course not sweetheart. You’re Ray and I’m gonna treat you as such.”

 

 

Ray smiled slowly and pulled Lindsay close for another hug. “Thank you so much, Lindsay..”

 

 

“It’s no sweat, sweetheart. You’ll always be my best friend, Ray, and I’ll always be there for you. No matter what.”

 

 

Ray felt the world lift off of his shoulders as Lindsay kissed him on the forehead. Maybe today would be a good day after all?

 

 

~-~ 

 

 

~-~


	4. 3: Don't Leave

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ray and Lindsay finally head to the beach and meet everyone there. Joel and Ray have a little alone time and the truth comes out yet again. 
> 
>    
> (I should be studying but yeah....Here's another chapter instead. I'll be busy with tests all next week so I'm posting this now to hold you guys over until I'm free again. Thanks for being patient with me in time of finals!) 
> 
>  
> 
> ((Maybe I'll add pictures of Joel, Michael and Gavin on the next chapter. If I have time, would you guys want that? Let me know in the comments if you do.))

~-~

 

 

After Ray was cleaned up and his hair was pulled up into a high bun, Lindsay started up the car again and they drove down to the beach, parking next to Michael’s red Buick and got out. They found their group quickly and Ray’s breath hitched in his throat when he saw Joel lounging on a towel with just his swimming shorts on. Lindsay smirked and elbowed him, snapping Ray out of the little trance he’d been put in. Ray blushed, and shook his head as the two finally joined the group, getting greetings from everyone and Ray hid a smile when he caught Joel staring at him, again.

 

 

“So anybody gonna actually swim?” Ray smirked as he put a hand on his hip, his swim bag resting on his other shoulder.

 

 

“We were waiting for you guys!” Michael yelled from his spot under Gavin, who was laying his head on Michael’s lap with a big grin on his face.

 

 

“Well, we’re here now, let’s go!” Lindsay laughed, as Ray, Griffon and she pulled off their coveralls. Everyone could tell that Ray was feeling better, and smiled at him as he walked over to Joel.

 

 

“You ready to go swim, Joel?”

 

 

Joel smiled as he stood up, not even hiding the fact he was checking Ray out. “Of course, dolly.”

 

 

 Ray blushed but smiled at his words and linked arms with Joel. “Then let’s go, Daddy-o.”

 

 

Joel smirked and the two walked out to the water, where Michael and Gavin were already a short way out splashing each other while Lindsay, Ryan, Griffon and Geoff were floating around talking to each other and laughing at Michael and Gavin’s little water duel. Burnie, Jon, Gus, Adam, and Jack were on the shore playing an intense game of cards. They stayed on the beach for most the day, often switching places and going in and out of the water. Everything was going fine until everyone took a break from the ocean, laying on their towels with couples walking along the beach, like Michael and Gavin and Geoff and Griffon.

 

 

Ray, still feeling like a weight had been lifted off his shoulders, was smiling bright and Joel couldn’t help but return Ray’s smile as they walked the opposite way from the other two couples. It was so beautiful and pure and Joel wanted Ray to smile like that more often. They were walking down the beach in a comfortable silence, the others now back at the towels lounging around and talking when Joel grinned down at him.

 

 

“You’re adorable, you know that dolly?”

 

 

He chuckled when Ray’s face turned bright red, his smile turning shy.

 

 

“Oh stop it.”

 

 

He waved a hand at him and Joel grabbed it, pulling him close in one motion. Ray gasped as Joel’s strong arm wrapped around his waist.

 

 

“It’s the truth, Dolly. You’re the most adorable and amazing girl I’ve ever met.”

 

 

Ray’s smile faltered at the word girl but brightened right back up at the other words Joel had said.

 

 

“Thanks, Joel. Y-you’re amazing too, you know that?”

 

 

Joel grinned wide, showing off a smile Ray had never seen Joel give to anyone before and it made his heart rate spike and speed up. “I really like you, Ray..”

 

 

Ray bit his lip as he looked up at Joel. “I- I really like you too, Joel…but- but I can’t…”

 

 

Joel frowned, the same look of concern covering his face. He knew that this had something to do with whatever happened at the diner the day before but he wanted to quell his fear that maybe it was his fault. “Why not, Ray? Is it me?”

 

 

Ray shook his head, looking away from Joel’s eyes. “No, no. You- you’re amazing I just- I have secrets, Joel and when you hear them...you’ll leave me like everybody else...”

 

 

Joel raised a brow in question. “You aren't a fink, right?”

 

 

Ray furrowed his brows as he looked back up at Joel. “No-”

 

 

“Then, is it something as heavy as murder?”

 

 

“No But-”

 

 

“Then it can't be that bad so lay it on me. I’ve never met anyone like you Ray and from the moment I saw you I fell hard, dolly. So let me be with you, please? Let me help you.”

 

 

Ray frowned and looked back down. He couldn’t do this. It was a miracle Lindsay stayed and he couldn't chance it again. He couldn’t tell Joel the truth. Not when he’d fallen so hard for Joel. Not when he knew he’d never be able to handle the look of disgust that would be on Joel’s handsome face.

 

 

“I- I- I c-can’t..! Joel I just can’t..I- I don’t want to lose one of the few good things in my sh*tty life..!”

 

 

Joel lifted Ray’s head up, seeing the tears starting to well up in his eyes.

 

 

“Listen to me, Ray. I’m not going to leave you. You’re so different from every other girl who’s ever wanted to date me. You want me for me and not because of my looks or for being the star on the football team. You’re quiet, smart, and so cute and tiny. We fit together like puzzle pieces and I’m not letting you go. You already mean too much to me, Ray. Nothing you could say would make me hate you or leave you, alright?”

 

 

Ray searched his eyes for a long while, looking for a lie but all he saw was hope and something akin to love brewing deep in Joel’s eyes. It kind of scared him how they had fallen for each other so hard and so fast. He blinked, tears rolling down his face for the second time that day. “Promise me that you won’t because- I don’t think I could handle losing you and everything good in my bummer of a life.”

 

 

Joel smiled reassuringly at him and gently took Ray’s cheek in his hand, wiping away any tears. “I promise you, Ray.”

 

 

Ray looked at him for a moment before he looked around, finding a secluded area under a cliff where the water didn’t reach and tugged Joel over to it. They sat down next to each other and Ray sighed as he shook his head. “I can’t believe I’m doing this but you and Lindsay will be the only ones who know now.”

 

 

Joel took his hand in his and intertwined their fingers, silently reassuring him to continue.

 

 

“Well I guess I’ll start with my- my parents. They..really like you and want me to go on dates with you and stuff but I-“

 

 

Ray looked down and away from those eyes, filled with anticipation, hope and something that looked more like adoration. “I’m- I’m gay Joel.”

 

 

Joel blinked, his face filling with confusion “But- you said you like me?”

 

 

Ray nodded as he continued. “I really- really do but that means I like the same gender as myself. My parents- they’re supporting their daughter who’s straight but- but I’m gay Joel.” Joel was even more confused and Ray couldn’t take any more of the silence so fresh tears rolled down his face as he admitted the truth in nothing higher than a whisper. “I’m a boy, Joel...That's why I'm gay.”

 

 

Ray didn’t have to look at his face to know that he was shocked. The hand in his went limp and he just started rambling out his life story, unable to stop the word vomit, yet again.

 

 

“They wanted a girl but they had me, so, they decided to make me their perfect little girl. They made me wear dresses and grow my hair out and shave all the facial hair and any other natural hair that grew on me. They don’t want me to date girls because it would blow my so called 'cover' and people would catch on but when they found out I liked you they were so happy. It hurt so much to have to live with the fact that if I were to be my gender and falling in love with you they’d be upset. And now I’m so worked up because- because I’m starting to like dressing up as a girl. I catch myself having too much fun with makeup or new clothes and I always just want to punch myself in the face because I’m a man god d*mn it! I didn't ask for this! I- I just want to be normal, Joel-“

 

 

The mention of his name seemed to snap Joel out of the shocked trance he was in and his hand slipped from Ray’s making Ray look up at him in resigned sadness. “I knew it..” He whispered as he looked back down and furiously wiped his tears.

 

 

“Wha-what? No! Ray no.”

 

 

Ray looked back at him and frowned “No, what? No, you don’t want to stay? No, you don’t like me anymore? No, you’re gonna leave me like every other boy has when I told them the truth?! What-“ Ray’s rant was cut off by arms wrapped around him and a gasp fell from his lips before he could stop it.

 

 

“No, Ray. I told you I wouldn’t leave you, right? You mean too much. I guess- I guess I’m gay now too. I- I’m so sorry you had to go through that and I just want to tell you that it’s okay to like what you like. Don’t deny what makes you happy, dolly. I just want you to be happy.”

 

 

Ray’s face seemed to crumble and the sob he let out was the most heart wrenching thing Joel had ever heard. It was so full of pain and relief it made Joel’s heart ache at the sound. He let Ray cry until he was all out, rubbing his back gently as he sobbed into his chest.

 

 

“Joel, you- you don’t know h-how much this means to me..”

 

 

Ray hiccuped between sobs and Joel smiled down at him, gently moving the hair that had fallen out of his bun, out of his face.

 

 

“I know it means a lot just from how you reacted and I- I’ll repeat that I really like you, Ray. You’re the perfect person for me and I’m not losing you because we’re the same gender.”

 

 

Ray wanted to cry some more but nothing was coming out.

 

 

“I really like you too, Joel…From the moment I saw you I just knew you were different and you’ve only been proving me right through everything you’ve done for me.”

 

 

Joel smiled softly and kissed Ray’s forehead while Ray closed his eyes, a watery smile on his face. God he loved Joel. The boy was everything he ever wanted in a partner and Ray had no problem saying he was gay if that meant he could be with Joel. But people wouldn’t think it would be gay because he was a she in everyone’s eyes. Ray laid his head on Joel’s shoulder and Joel wrapped an arm around Ray, holding him close. They sat in a comfortable silence, watching the waves crash onto the beach.

 

 

~-~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Daddy-o: man; term of address  
> Fink: Thief  
> Heavy: Serious   
> Lay it on me: Talk to me; tell me  
> Bummer: Depressed


	5. 4: Promises Made

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> At the beach part 2 and Joel meets the parents. 
> 
>  
> 
> (I'm officially done with finals~!!! I was supposed to finish Tuesday but my professor changed the final exam date so I'm finished early! Now you can expect more chapters faster! I still have Christmas shopping to do and I'm baking lots of sweets for Christmas so I may still be a little busy but definitely not as busy as before. So yeah, It won't be such a long wait in between chapters now. Thanks again for being patient with me!)
> 
> ((Also more of my art at the bottom~! It's Michael, Gavin and Joel just like I promised!))

~-~

 

 

Just as the sun started to set, a yell ripped Joel from the silence.

 

 

“Guys!! Ray! Joel! You guys over here necking?! We gotta go!”

 

 

Joel blushed a bit and looked down only to find that Ray was asleep. He smiled and lifted him up bridal style and carried him out of the little make shift cave toward Michael’s voice.

 

 

“What’s wrong with Ray, Joel?”

 

 

Joel smiled and looked down at him. “She’s fine. Just fell asleep while we were sitting and talking.”

 

 

Michael nodded and grinned.

 

 

“Well then, it’s starting to get dark so we were gonna head home and maybe do something again tomorrow.”

 

 

Joel nodded, an idea coming to mind. “Alright. How about staying over at my place? The parents are out on business so we can stay up as long as we want.”

 

 

Michael’s smile widened “Hell yeah! Far out, dude! Let’s go tell the guys then we can head out.”

 

 

Joel nodded and followed Michael back to the towels. Everyone was standing now, their respected towels in their bags and Ray’s in his, probably courtesy of Lindsay so Joel grabbed his and Ray’s bag.

 

 

“Aww, that’s so cute. You guys together yet?”

 

 

Griffon laughed and Joel just smiled down at Ray.

 

 

“I think so. She- she said she liked me.”

 

 

Lindsay grinned at the rest of the group and squealed.

 

 

“Awww! Finally! It’s happening guys!”

 

 

After many words of congratulations from the group and the exchange of plans for the next day, Joel carried Ray to his car, gently placing him in the passenger seat and buckling him up. He put Ray’s bag next to him, draping his coverall over Ray before he got in the car. He took Ray home, finding a way to knock on the door with a dead tired Ray in his arms. Ray’s mother opened the door and it took a lot more self-control to be nice to the woman than Joel had first imagined but she was excited to see him and eagerly showed Joel to Ray’s room. Joel placed Ray on his bed, frowning at the excessive amount of girly, pink things covering his room. They had really trained themselves to believe that Ray was a girl and it was the most heartbreaking realization that Joel had ever come to.

 

 

He leaned over Ray and kissed his forehead, whispering a low, “Goodnight, Ray.”

 

 

Making Ray stir a bit and crack his eyes open, “Joel..?”

 

 

His voice was thick with sleep and the fact that Ray was a boy made that deep voice he obtained when sleepy make more sense. It was still cute to Joel so he smiled, “Yeah, dolly?”

 

 

Ray smiled and sat up slowly, wrapping his arms around Joel’s neck as he sat down on the bed. “Can I kiss you?”

 

 

Joel grinned and rested his forehead on Ray’s. “Of course.”

 

 

Ray smiled softly as he leaned forward, closing the gap between their lips. Joel didn’t even pause, kissing back with just as much emotion as Ray was. They parted when air become necessary and smiled, Ray’s eyes fluttering open to stare at the man in front of him.

 

 

They just stared at each other for a moment before Joel grabbed his hands and intertwined their fingers. “Ray, I just wanted to make this official so..” He paused, his voice becoming a whisper in case the parents were listening. “Will you be my boyfriend?”

 

 

Ray beamed at Joel’s choice of words and leaned forward, kissing him again. “Of course, Joel!”

 

 

Joel beamed back at him and hugged him close, his arms around Ray’s waist as he kissed all over his face, making Ray giggle.

 

 

~-~

 

 

They ended up cuddled up in Ray’s bed for a while after a quick shower and change of clothes, talking about any and everything before Ray’s father stuck his head into the room and asked if Joel was spending the night. Ray had blushed darkly but Joel just smiled and looked at Ray in question. “I’ll stay if you want me to stay, dolly. We just have to leave early tomorrow so I can get ready for when we hang with the guys.”

 

 

Ray smiled wide and nodded “Yeah, Papa he’s staying.” Ray’s father nodded, smiling wide as he left the room and Joel was finding it much harder to be nice to Ray’s father than his mother, and Ray could tell, intertwining their fingers. “I know it’s hard Joel but they- they love me. I know they do. They just...want me to be a girl.”

 

 

Joel frowned. “It’s still not right, dolly. There isn’t an excuse to treat you like this.”

 

 

Ray nodded and kissed his cheek, burying his head under Joel's chin after. “I know, baby. I know. One more year and I’ll be a legal adult. Maybe then I can move out or something.”

 

 

Joel suddenly smiled and looked down at him. “Let’s move in together, dolly. I already had a place in mind that I was gonna buy and move into before summer ended.”

 

 

Ray’s eyes absolutely sparkled to life and Joel just wanted to melt at how cute his boyfriend was. “Yes! This is perfect! We’re gonna have a blast!”

 

 

Joel chuckled falling back onto the bed and pulling Ray with him. “I can’t wait, dolly. I get to hold you whenever I want to. Wake up to your beautiful face every morning and go to sleep with you by my side.”

 

 

Ray blushed as he lifted his head from Joel’s chest, his smile big and genuine as he pecked Joel on the lips. “And I get to be in your arms, loving every second of it. I wish we could leave now, Joel. So I can be with you and be myself for the first time in my life.”

 

 

Joel smiled and kissed his forehead. “That’s all I ever wanted, dolly.”

 

 

~-~

 

 

~-~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Necking: Kissing  
> Far out: Awesome/Cool  
> Have a blast: Have a good time


	6. 5: Sturdy Wall

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The morning after and the new couple get ready to have the sleepover. 
> 
>  
> 
> (This is kind of a filler sorry. I promise the next one will be more action packed. Expect the next chapter later today at the earliest or tomorrow at latest.)
> 
>  
> 
> ((Also more art~! It's Griffon and Geoff this time! Plus my inspiration for Joel's parents house. Changed a few things but it's basically that picture. I didn't draw the house, I found it on google images. I'm too lazy for that lol))

 

 

~-~

 

 

The next morning, they woke to the smell of bacon and immediately both of their stomachs growled loudly. They looked at each other, laughing lightly. Ray got up first, pulling out a pair of high-waist black pants that stopped a little past his knees and a black and white horizontally striped shirt with straps and sleeves that hung off his arms. He took his shower first and changed into his clothes before he came out of the bathroom and met Joel with a kiss on the cheek. Joel grinned as Ray walked over to his vanity mirror, pulling out his makeup. Joel couldn't help but smile at the sight of Ray without makeup. You could definitely tell he was a boy without makeup, a boy with girlish features but a boy nevertheless, and Joel found it just made him love his boyfriend even more.

 

 

He finally left to take a shower of his own, pulling on some of Ray's small hidden stash of boy clothes in his closet, a pair of dark jeans rolled up to just above his ankles and a plain white shirt that was maybe two sizes too small for Joel. When he came out of the bathroom Ray had finished putting on his makeup and was brushing his long hair, leaving it flowing down his back in gentle waves. He put a red rose into his hair on the right side of his head. Joel smiled at Ray through the mirror and Ray returned his smile as he got up from the vanity mirror. Joel intertwined their fingers and Ray led them down to the kitchen.

 

 

Ray’s mom was busily moving around the kitchen getting breakfast ready while Ray’s dad sat at the table reading the newspaper. “Good morning, you two! Breakfast will be ready in minute!” Ray’s mother smiled widely as she noticed their intertwined hands. Ray’s father peaked over the edge of his newspaper at his wife’s excited voice and smiled at them too. Ray didn’t care that their happiness for his relationship wasn’t really genuine. In that moment he felt like he could do anything with Joel at his side. So, he returned their smile with a brighter one and sat down at the table next to his father while Joel took a seat next to him.

 

 

Ray’s father read the newspaper for a bit longer before he put it down and smiled at Joel. “So, what are your plans for today?”

 

 

Joel bit back a frown and forced a polite smile on his face. “Well, I wanted to ask if it would be okay if Raichel could come to a little sleepover type thing at my house with the rest of our friends?”

 

 

Ray’s dad looked over at his wife, silently asking if that was okay. Ray’s mom grinned widely “That’s fine! Your parents will be there right?”

 

 

Joel nodded, lying easily to Ray’s parents. “Yes, ma’am.”

 

 

Just as the food was placed in front of them, Ray’s dad smiled back at the two of them. “Just make sure you bring her back home by a reasonable time tomorrow Joel.”

 

 

Joel nodded “Yes sir.”

 

 

They dug into breakfast after that, with little snippets of small talk between them before Joel and Ray were finally on their way to Joel’s house.

 

 

~-~

 

 

Ray smiled wide as he leaned his head back and let the wind take his hair wherever it wanted too. This is what it felt like to be free, Ray realized. Free to do what he wanted and free to be himself. He looked back at Joel who had a bright little smile on his face as he drove them. And Ray just grinned wider because Joel was his and he was Joel’s. Joel was right here with him, and then he started thinking about if maybe their other friends would be this accepting? Ray didn’t know but he knew that Michael and Gavin would definitely be okay with a gay relationship, they were in one themselves, but would they be okay with Ray being a boy? Would anybody other than Lindsay and Joel be okay with it? But then he glanced at Joel again and he realized that no matter what happened, he’d have Joel by his side and that just made everything sound so much better.

 

 

“Whatcha thinking about, dolly?”

 

 

Ray was pulled from his thoughts at Joel’s voice and frowned at him. “Oh, uh, well I was thinking if it was time to tell everybody else about me…I don’t know. I’m a little worried what if they all bug out?”

 

 

Joel frowned “Well, I know for a fact they won’t. They might be surprised but nobody’s gonna get frosted. And trust me, dolly, even if they do then you’ll always have me. I’m not going anywhere, baby!”

 

 

Ray gave him a grateful smile as Joel intertwined their fingers again. “Alright…I’ll tell them at the sleepover. Lindsay already knows so she won’t be surprised at all.”

 

 

Joel grinned and squeezed the hand in his gently, reassuring Ray. “You’ll be alright, dolly. Me and Lindsay will be right there to help you.”

 

 

Ray nodded and smiled, leaning over to give Joel a kiss on the cheek just as he turned down his street. Going down the block a couple of houses, Joel pulled up into the driveway of a huge, ranch style house that was brick with soft yellow trim, front door and curtains through the biggest window. There were yellow and white flower beds under the windows and red flowers were added to the flower beds under a smaller window with red curtains. “It’s so pretty, Joel!”

 

 

Joel smiled at Ray’s reaction “Thanks. Mom likes to garden so she planted all those flower beds and dad designed the house for mom. My room’s the one with the red curtains.” Joel made sure to lock up his car and led Ray into the house through the front door.

 

 

Ray was once again, shocked at how more at home he felt here than at his own. Maybe it was because Joel was with him? Ray didn’t know but he felt so comfortable with all the reds and yellows melting beautifully together. “I really like it here…”

 

 

Joel smiled and came up behind Ray, wrapping his arms around his waist. “I’m glad, dolly.” Ray leaned back into Joel’s arms and smiled widely. Maybe he could tell everyone here. He just felt so at ease so maybe he wouldn’t get nervous when the time came. “Will you help me clean up, dolly? You’ll get a kiss as a reward.”

 

 

Ray giggled “Of course, let’s get started!”

 

 

Joel grinned back at Ray as the two of them started cleaning up Joel’s house, room by room.

 

 

~-~

 

 

~-~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bug out: Freak out  
> Frosted: Angry/Mad


	7. 6: Hidden Pain

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The sleepover begins and protests on the news reopen some old wounds for Ray. 
> 
>  
> 
> (I did actual research for this oh my god. The protest is a real thing that happened in the 50's. Also, poor Ray :( wHY AM I LIKE THIS?? I'm so sorry Ray...) 
> 
> ((Just a warning: It's not really a graphic depiction of violence but there is violence during the protest and past abuse is mentioned.))

 

 

~-~

 

 

Hours later, Joel’s house was cleaned and they had gone to the store, getting snacks and drinks to put out for everyone. People started arriving around 4 in the afternoon, Lindsay being the first one to get there. Ray told her everything that happened and what he was going to do that day, getting nothing but support from his best friend. Ray was happy, not a hint of nervousness in his body. Maybe it was the fact that he had Joel and Lindsay? Or maybe it was Joel’s comforting house? Ray didn’t know what it was that was keeping his nerves at bay but he was both grateful and a little worried about his lack of nerves.

 

 

Once everyone had packed into Joel’s living room in front of the little TV pushed up to a red brick wall, Joel ordered pizza for everyone on the phone. The group spent their time waiting for the pizza to be delivered by talking, laughing and watching some kind of trivia game. After the pizza had arrived a little over half an hour later, the group dug in and ate everything. The room was silent as the TV played the news in the background while everyone laid in various different positions around the living room floor, rubbing their full stomachs and watching the news. The atmosphere was light and content, that is until, ‘Breaking New!’ flashed onto the screen. Everyone sits up as the moving images of mobs of people standing around a donut shop, holding up signs that said things like “Gay is Okay!” “Love over Hate!” and “If You Fight Love, You’re Always The Loser!” Ray leaned closer to the TV, as the reporter went on about the protest occurring right now, somewhere across town. Then the police showed up and everyone watched with baited breaths as the police lined up in front of the mob, demanding that they go home. There was another moment of yelling between the two sides before coffee and donuts were flung at the officers from the mob and the police started swinging their batons through the air, striking whoever they could. People started falling, screaming in pain, and the signs were torn up in the scuffle. The police could be heard shouting hateful slurs at the people protesting and Joel turned the television off, sinking the room into a tense silence.

 

 

Ray looked back at Michael and Gavin and frowned at what he saw. Gavin’s face was buried in Michael’s chest, his shoulders shaking ever so slightly, and Michael had his arms around Gavin, looking down at his boyfriend as he rubbed his back gently. Lindsay slid closer to the two, putting her hand on Gavin’s back and Michael’s shoulder. Ray crawled over to them too, pulling the three of them into a hug. Geoff, Griffon, Ryan, and Jack followed next, joining the group hug. Joel, Jon, Gus, Burnie, and Adam watched on with matching sad looks. Only after Gavin’s shoulders had stopped shaking did they pull back from their group hug. Michael and Gavin smiled thankfully at their friends, before smiling at each other. Michael wiped away the last of Gavin’s tears and kissed him. Gavin gave a genuinely happy smile as they parted from their kiss and Michael returned it with one of his own, whispering “We’ll be alright, Gav.” And Gavin nodded, smiling back at him. Everyone else, smiled at them, Geoff ruffling both of their hair as the sad mood in the room slowly began to lift.

 

 

Ray stood and pulled the ice cream out of Joel’s freezer, and when all the bowls of ice cream was passed out, everyone was back to normal. Ray was so close to just not saying anything because of what happened earlier but after their ice cream was gone, Lindsay spoke up. “Hey, Ray? Didn’t you have something you wanted to tell everyone?”

 

 

Ray blinked, a little more nervous now after what they’d seen on TV. “U-uhh well…” Ray trailed off, chancing a glance at Joel, who smiled reassuringly at him. Ray took a deep breathe before he said, “Yeah..yeah I did.”

 

 

“Well, then what’s buzzin, cuzzin?”

 

 

Ray smiled nervously at Geoff, before looking around the room at everyone else. “Well, I uh- I’ve been keeping something from all of you and it’s about time I told you all the truth..” Ray took another breath and Joel placed a comforting hand around his waist. “I’m not a girl.”

 

 

There was long moment of silence, before Michael spoke up this time. “What do you mean you’re not a girl?”

 

 

Ray fidgeted under almost everyone’s surprised and confused stares. “It means that I’m a boy who’s been forced to be a girl by his deranged parents since he was born. It means that I’m gay…and it means that even though I am a boy, I still like dressing up like a girl sometimes.”

 

 

Lindsay smiled, pulling Ray into a hug and just as she pulled away, Joel was hugging him from behind, placing a kiss on Ray’s forehead. “I’m so proud of you.” They both whispered as the shock that always came with that statement began to fade.

 

 

Michael and Gavin jumped up and almost tackled Ray, had Joel not been there. “Ray why didn’t you tell us sooner!! We have more in common now!” Gavin gushed, smiled widely as Michael nodded.

 

 

“O-oh..well everyone that I told back in New York, they’d stop talking to me and I’d never see them again…I didn’t want it to be the same with you guys.”

 

 

“We’re friends, Ray! Best friends! We ain’t going nowhere!!” Michael grinned at him and then a new voice cut in.

 

 

“He’s right, Ray! We wouldn’t abandon you because of something you had no control over. I don’t care what you do as long as it makes you happy, alright?” Geoff smiled and Griffon nodded eagerly, “I don’t mind at all Ray. In fact, I like both men and women but I just happened to fall in love with Geoff, over here.” Geoff grinned wider at that, and wrapped and arm around her waist.

 

 

“We have no problem with it either, Ray. We’ve been friends too long for us to just up and leave over something like this. That’s what friends are for. We stick together.” Ryan and Jack smiled down at Ray and he grinned back at them.

 

 

“We may not have known you for as long as these guys here, but we still accept you, for being you. It’d be an honor to be your friend, Ray.” Jon smiled kindly at him and Adam, Burnie and Gus nodded along.

 

 

Ray couldn’t stop the happy tears welling up in his eyes if he wanted too. “I love you guys.” He laughed, wiping away his tears as they all pulled Ray and Joel into a group hug, this time with everyone joining in.

 

 

And just like that, everything went back to normal, the rest of the sleep over being spent playing various card and board games before they all crashed in the two bedrooms and living room. Ray and Joel shared Joel’s bed, with Michael and Gavin on the floor with blankets and pillows. Geoff and Griffon took Joel’s parents bed, with Jack Ryan and Adam on the floor with more blankets and pillows. Lindsay and Jon each took one of the two couches in the living room while Burnie and Gus and blankets and pillows on the floor. Everyone fell asleep pretty quickly, all except Ray, who was awake long after the house was silent.

 

 

He had everyone’s acceptance and that was something he never expected to happen in his life, so he was very grateful for that, but the images of those innocent people being beaten with batons brought back his memories from New York. The things he never told anyone about, not even Lindsay. The bruises he hid so well, the physical pain, the mental abuse, everything came rushing back and Ray unknowingly began to curl in on himself, tears streaming down his blank face. He thought he’d pushed the dark times in New York from his mind but it seems that they were just lying in waiting for the right time to drag Ray back down with them. He’d been doing so good, so much happier ever since Joel appeared in his life but one thing on the news had him reverting back to the 6-year-old Ray, curled up in a corner and shivering with fear.

 

 

He could almost feel his mother’s hand across his face as she spat “Don’t you ever say another word about **_Ray_**! Ray disappeared when you were born, Raichel. If you ever tell anyone about **_Ray_** , then I’ll see to it that you join him!”

 

 

Ray let out a quiet whimper, curling up further in a ball as the memories kept flooding in. His father was standing before him, Ray was curled up in the corner again, clutching his stomach from the punch he’d just received. “Look what you’ve done now, Raichel! Now you’re mother’s upset! If you want to be **_Ray_** so bad, then I’ll give you a little taste of what life as **_Ray_** would be like under this roof!”

 

 

Pain, indescribable amounts of pain, in the form of punches, kicks and words was all Ray remembered about that night and even now, he could still feel it.

 

 

Joel’s eyes fluttered opened when Ray’s shaking and his noises started to invade his sleep. Confused and concerned Joel wrapped his arms around Ray and pulled him flush into his chest, shushing him and whispering “It’s okay, dolly.” And “I’m here, Ray. I’m here.” Over and over again. It took a while but, Ray finally calmed down and turn over to bury his face into Joel’s chest while Joel rested his head on top of Ray’s head. “What’s wrong, dolly? Are you okay?” Joel started rubbing comforting patterns on Ray’s hip and Ray let out a sigh, the same conflicted feelings from before making him question whether or not to tell Joel everything. “If you’re worried about me leaving you when you tell me what it is, then I promise you I won’t ever leave you, Ray. Please don’t hide from me, dolly..”

 

 

Ray frowned, hands in tight fists, holding on to the front of Joel’s t-shirt. “I- I’m sorry…I- had a bad childhood..the news just reminded me of it..” Ray sucked in a breath as Joel’s grip got tighter around him, pulling him closer as Ray whispered. “I used to live in New York and…My- my p-parents weren’t…always the nicest to me there..”

 

 

Joel lifted his head up at that and squinted down at Ray. “What do you mean by that Ray? Because if it’s what I think it means then so help me god, I’ll march right over there and go ape!” Ray just remained silent, tears welling up in his eyes again as he looked up at Joel and that was all the answer Joel needed. A look of disbelief flashed on to his face at being right, before so much rage and sadness, mixed with intent to kill was all over Joel’s face and Ray knew that now there was no way that Joel could ever be nice to his parents ever again. “You’re moving out of that house, Ray. I don’t give a d*mn what they have to say, you’re moving in with me as soon as I get my own place.”

 

 

Ray finally let his tears fall as he tighten his grip on Joel’s shirt and nodded, whispering “Thank you.” Over and over again, into Joel’s chest, before he finally drifted off to sleep around 3 in the morning.

 

 

Joel, however, couldn’t get back to sleep after Ray’s silent admission. How had Ray been able to suppress all that pain, physical and mental, up until now? Joel didn’t know how it was possible to be as strong, kind and absolutely beautiful, inside and out, as Ray was. With all the things the boy had been through, Joel would think he’d turn out timid and afraid of everything. But looking at him now, Ray was so very brave to not only come clean about his real gender but also come out at the same time. That was a lot of pressure to handle, and now Joel is hearing that he used to be beaten when he was in New York? God, it just made Joel so angry that someone as sweet as Ray had to go through all of this and have the source of his misery be his own parents.

 

 

Joel let out an almost silent sigh, before remembering that Michael and Gavin were asleep on the floor. Looking down at what was supposed to be two lumps curled up together much like Joel and Ray, Joel was surprised to lock eyes with an extremely angry Michael. “You heard?” Joel mouthed pointing his chin at Ray and Michael nodded, rage running through his eyes just as much as Joel’s. “We’ll talk about it in the morning.” Michael mouthed back and Joel nodded as Michael wrapped his arms around Gavin’s waist and fell back asleep. Joel looked down at Ray and kissed his forehead, before he too dosed off to the sound of Ray’s heart beating.

 

 

~-~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Go Ape: To explode or get really mad


	8. 7: Helping Hand

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The morning after, plans are put into place. 
> 
>  
> 
> (I wanted to post this chapter days ago but I got sick :( I feel a bit better today so I decided to go ahead and post. I want to end this before tomorrow so I'm gonna post the last chapter later today. I have a lot of baking to do for Christmas that I couldn't get started on because I was sick. So, this is my last free day until after Christmas. I couldn't really do more art but maybe I'll post a sequel and add some art to that? I don't know, we'll see. If not a sequel I'll just post the art as another chapter here.) 
> 
> ((Also, I just want to give a special thank you to everyone who has commented on this! It really means a lot to me to have feedback and to know that people actually enjoy what I write or draw! Oh, and the reason Ray's parents were okay with him have a random guy over will soon be revealed in the last chapter! I'll explain anything that needs to be explained then, but I hope you guys enjoy and I'll see you in the last chapter!))

 

 

~-~

 

 

The next morning, Joel let Ray sleep as he got up and started making breakfast for everyone. Only after the smell of pancakes, eggs and bacon started moving through the house did people start to make their way to the kitchen. Everyone but Ray was in the living room eating, as he was still asleep, and after breakfast had been handed out, Joel fixed a plate for Ray and put it in microwave. After that he leaned against the counter next to Michael as he glanced back at his room every now and then.

 

 

“It makes so much sense now.”

 

 

Joel looked away from his room to Michael and raised a brow in question. “What do you mean?”

 

 

Michael sighed “There were some days that Ray would finch away from our touch, whether it be a hug or just linking arms. We’d ask him what was wrong and he’d always come up with an excuse that we believed. I remember him being nervous about going home some days and I remember him being so excited to go to his grandma’s house that he practically forgot about us for the time he was there.” Joel frowned as Michael ran a hand through his messy curls, no hair gel to keep it slicked back like it was when he arrived the evening before. “It was right there in front of our faces but we couldn’t see it..” Michael and Joel both sighed.

 

 

“I’ve never wanted to punch anybody in the face more so than Ray’s parents right now. He’s moving in with me as soon as I get my own place. Hopefully they won’t make his life hell in the meantime.” Michael nodded and Joel’s bedroom door finally opened, revealing a still half-awake Ray, rubbing his eyes much like a little child as he walking into the kitchen.

 

 

“Hey, babe..Hey Michael.” Ray walked right over to Joel and plopped his head on Joel’s chest. Michael and Joel couldn’t help but laugh as they greeted him.

 

 

Joel wrapped his arms around Ray’s waist as he said “I made breakfast, you hungry?” Ray nodded and Joel pushed in 1 minute and let the food heat up.

 

 

“Did you sleep well?”

 

 

Ray finally lifted his head to look at Michael and they could’ve sworn that Ray’s face flashed with sadness before he smiled and nodded. “Yeah. How about you and Gavin?”

 

 

Michael nodded, face blank as he looked Ray over for a moment before smiled slightly “Slept like a baby.”

 

 

Ray smiled back at him as Joel’s arms wrapped a little tighter around him “That’s good.”

 

 

They fell silent again, Ray laying his head back on Joel’s chest as they rocked back and forth a little, while Joel and Michael stared at Ray in concern.

 

 

~_~

 

 

After breakfast, the group dispersed to go back home, leaving Ray and Joel alone. Somehow they were back on that touchy subject, and Ray was uncomfortably fidgeting with the end of his hair.

 

 

“Do they- do they still- hit…you?”

 

 

Ray kept his eyes on the floor, tears threatening to fall as he shook his head. “They s-stopped after they caught me experimenting with makeup the first time…As long as I don’t talk about Ray, they don’t hit me...” Ray admitted quietly and Joel’s eyes widened just a bit.

 

 

“How long ago was that?”

 

 

“Two years ago…”

 

 

Joel couldn’t control the red hot anger coursing through veins even if he wanted too. “Your- your whole childhood…!”

 

 

And Ray started crying quietly, hugging his knees to his chest, because yes, he had no childhood. His entire childhood was spent in fear of being slapped, punched or kicked while he was down. His childhood was both physical and psychological pain that was only alleviated when he went to his grandmother’s house. To this day he regrets not telling her what his parents were doing but he was pretty sure she had a gist of what was happening, but couldn’t know for sure if Ray never said anything. He still didn’t know if that would’ve help him or hurt him more, though. Had his parents found out that he told her way back then, he might not be here today.

 

 

Ray started to sob and Joel rushed over to him and wrapped his arms around him, pulling Ray into his lap as he sobbed harder. What would they do if they found out he told Joel? Lindsay? Everyone? The ‘what if’s’ seemed to haunt him and the different scenarios that all seemed to end with Ray being locked away and beaten or killed ran through his head a mile a minute. How was he supposed to go back there and act like everything was normal? He was still absolutely terrified of his parents because, they hit him before and they could very well hit him again. And through his sobs, Joel could hear him mumble “I just wanted to be Ray.” Over and over again.

 

 

~-~

 

 

Things changed, after that confession to Joel. Ray went home all cried out and terrified, with the promise that Joel would get him out of that house as soon as possible. Ray didn’t know how to fall back into being Raichel, the night spent with Joel and everyone made him merge Raichel and Ray into one person, so now he didn’t know what to do, how to act. He only knew how to just be himself. And that started to cause a few problems in Ray’s house. He started wearing more of his boyish girl clothing, like pants and shorts with tops instead of dresses all the time. He wore a little less makeup, especially around the house, and they didn’t catch him experimenting with girly things as much as before.

 

 

Slowly but surely, Ray’s parents started to get suspicious that Raichel was trying to be Ray again. It took all of three weeks of this behavior for Ray’s mother to walk into his room one day. Luckily, he’d been sitting at his vanity mirror doing his makeup when she came in so she just smiled at said she didn’t want anything before she left again. Once the door closed, Ray was on the edge of a panic attack. That was so close. The facial expression she had on when she walked in the room was one that Ray was all too familiar with from his childhood. Ray breathed a short sigh of relief before he continued doing his makeup, his heart still pounding a mile a minute in his chest.

 

 

So, Ray started putting on more dresses, again. Timing it right so that when they came in to check on him he was making a new outfit or painting his nails or doing his makeup, something overly girly that wouldn’t raise their suspicions. His parents got happier but Ray got more tired of everything. He would get updates from Joel every day about how their home was coming along. Even though Joel had been busier with his job to get the money to put down on the house, Ray was just happy that Joel was going through all of this for his safety. Joel’s parents were even helping him out with money by giving him an allowance that Joel put away for the house. Ray got himself a job too, just so he could help out Joel with the house and help him pay bills when they move in together. Everything was going so smoothly that by the end of summer, Joel would be able to get their home and they would be able to live comfortably. That was half a month away though, and Ray had to survive this house that had never been his home.

 

 

~-~


	9. 8: New Beginnings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's finally the end. Ray gets a little help from an unexpected place and finally leaves home.
> 
>  
> 
> WARNING: A little physical abuse in this chapter. Not graphic though.
> 
>  
> 
> (Thanks everyone for sticking with me through this! Finals were rough for me and with me getting sick right when I was supposed to finish, everything went a little haywire, but we've finally made it here to the end and hopefully you'll stick around for the other Joelay and Mavin things I have in the works. Thanks again, guys!! <3) 
> 
> ((Feel free to comment any questions/concerns about the story if anything's unclear! I'm leaning more toward doing a sequel but that may take a while. But anyway, enjoy the last chapter!!))

 

 

~-~

 

 

Ray thought that it was too good to be true when he reached the end of the first half of his time left in that house. He’d made it to the half way point without a scratch so he should’ve expected what happened the next day. It started like any normal day. Ray got up and got ready for work, pulling on one of his uniform dresses and pinning his name tag on to the right side of the dress before he put his hair up into a high ponytail. He put on some light makeup, grabbed his purse and made his way down to the little store next to the diner. Work ran smoothly. There was, surprisingly, no rude customers that day and Ray really should’ve took that for a sign but he was too happy that everything was going right for once.

 

 

Everything change when he got home that evening. He could feel the tension in the air the moment he stepped into the house. He didn’t know what to think as he immediately made his way to his room and jumped when he found both his parents sitting on his bed, the expressions he hadn’t seen in so long clear as day on both of their faces. They stared him down as he walked in before his mother stood up and slammed the door behind him. He was so confused and terrified. He didn’t know what they knew or why they were mad in the first place so he looked away and fidgeted under their hard stares.

 

 

“Raichel.” His father’s voice made his head shoot up to look at him with wide, scared eyes.

 

 

“Y-yes, p-papa?”

 

 

“Answer this question truthfully and I won’t punish you.” Ray’s eyes widened a bit more out of fear as he nodded. “Someone at my job told me that their daughter heard Joel call you his boyfriend. Is that true, Raichel?”

 

 

Ray’s eyes widened a bit more as he frantically shook his head “N-no! She- she must have been mistaken! He knows I’m- I’m a girl.” The words left a bitter taste in his mouth, but he would do whatever he could do to not have to deal with all that pain again. He’d rather be a girl for now, just until he could leave. His parents stared at him hard and Ray felt tears well up in his eyes “You have to believe me, mama, papa, I would never…”

 

 

But that didn’t help anything because his mother stood up and glared at him. She slapped him across the face and screamed “Don’t lie to us!”

 

 

Ray sobbed as he held his cheek and whimpered “I’m n-not…! I’m a girl, he knows that!”

 

 

His mother raised her hand again to slap him and Ray sunk to the floor curled up into a ball and sobbed so hard they could see his body shaking. He waited for the next slap, a punch or a kick but he was very surprised when instead he felt arms around him. Ray looked up at his father who was looking down at him with so much sorrow and regret that Ray was taken aback.

 

 

“I’m sorry, Chel. I jumped to conclusions. It’s my fault for listening to the gossip at work.” That was the nickname that his father gave him when he was a child, on the good days when they’d play dress up together or make dinner for his mother. Those few good memories from his childhood came flooding back and Ray felt more tears fall.

 

 

It took him a minute to understand what had just happened but when he did he nodded and hugged his father tightly as he whispered “It’s okay…” Ray heard his mother huff and leave, probably angry that his father didn’t punish him.

 

 

 

After his mother was long gone, Ray’s father pulled back from the hug a bit and whispered. “I know that we haven’t been on the best of terms, Chel but I just want you know that I love you, okay? Joel’s dad works with me and he told me everything you two have been planning and I really do wish you the best of luck in your new home together. I’m so sorry for everything we’ve done…I promise I won’t let you have to deal with that anymore. We’re your parents and we’re supposed to protect you, not force our wants onto you. So, I apologize on both of our behalves. Your mother, she doesn’t see anything wrong with how we’ve been treating you, but I had a talk with my mother, your other grandmother that’s still back in New York and she made me realize some things, knocked some sense in my head you could say.” He laughed a bit before he continued “I just want you to know that I’ll always be here for you and that I love you, son, whether you’re Raichel, Ray or both. You are my world, Chel, and it’s about time I started treating you as such.”

 

 

More tears were rolling down Ray’s face as he launched back into another hug, sobbing into his father’s shoulder, “Thank you!” and “I love you!” tumbling out over and over again.

 

 

After Ray’s tears were dried and his father told him to continue his act as Raichel until Joel got the house so his mother wouldn’t do anything drastic now that her husband wasn’t on her side anymore, his father left him alone with a smile on his face. Maybe now the next week wouldn’t be so hard.

 

 

~-~

 

 

Ray got through the last week at the house with dirty looks from his mother and slaps across the back of his head when his father wasn’t looking, anger at how nice his father was treating him clear on her face. Ray tried his best to just ignore her and with the help of his father, Ray packed up all his things late at night while his mother was asleep and his father drove him to his and Joel’s new house. Ray’s father helped him move his things and his mattress into the house just as Joel pulled up. They helped Joel move his things into the house before Ray’s father pulled Joel aside to talk to him.

 

 

“Take good care of him, Joel. He’s a lot more fragile because of me and my wife, but I at least want to try to fix some of the damage done. Thank you for getting him away from my wife.”

 

 

Joel nodded and shook the man’s hand, gaining a new sense of respect for the older man. “Yes sir, I’ll take good care of him. Thank you for allowing me to be with him.”

 

 

Ray’s father smiled a little wider “I always had a feeling you would be the one to finally make Ray truly happy. So, thank you Joel. Now, I have to be on my way before the wife wakes up.”

 

 

And after the three shared goodbyes, Ray’s father drove off toward Ray’s old house, and Ray stood with Joel outside watching the car drive away until they could no longer see the lights at all.

 

 

They stayed for another moment before it finally seemed to hit Ray fully that he was living with Joel now. And he looked up at the stars in the sky as tears welled up in his eyes. “I never thought this would happen..” Joel’s head snapped up at Ray’s soft whisper but Ray continued to look up at the stars. “I never thought I’d get out of that house. That I’d find someone to love not only Raichel but Ray as well.” Tears finally rolled slowly down Ray’s face, making his eyes glisten brightly in the moonlight. Joel could do nothing but stare at his absolutely beautiful boyfriend as he intertwined their fingers. But then Ray smiled so sweetly, even as tears rolled down his face, and looked over at Joel “I love you, Joel.”

 

 

And Joel felt his stomach flip and butterflies swarm as he stared down at Ray. “I love you too, Ray.” This was the first time they’d ever said that to each other and Ray’s smile got impossibly sweeter and more beautiful at Joel’s response. Joel gently pulled Ray forward by their intertwined fingers and rested his hand on Ray’s cheek, pulling Ray into a kiss so full of love, hope and happiness that it was almost overwhelming.

 

 

And as they pulled away, a shooting star flies right over their heads and they both look up to watch it go past. They smile at each other one more time before Joel leads them both into their new home and into their new life.

 

 

~-~

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks a lot for reading!! Feel free to let me know how I did~! Comments and Kudos are much appreciated! <3


End file.
